Mama who bore me
by sillystarshine
Summary: Why did you adopt another baby when you already had one to begin with? Why did you leave me? Don't you love me?"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N#1: i do not own glee. Everything btwn Rachel and Shelby happened in season 1. Let's pretend that the few scenes(there was like what 2 at the most) that did happen btwn them this season did not happen. But she still came back for the troubletones/to let Puck and Quinn get to know Beth. italics=flashback.**

_**Mama who bore me**_

(No ones POV)

"Alright who can tell me what this Sunday is?" Mr. Schue asked as he walked into the choir room. Everyone was silent for a few seconds racking their brains trying to remember what holiday could possibly be coming up this weekend. Eventually Quinn quietly answered Mr. Schue with "Mother's Day."

"Thank you Quinn. That's right this Sunday is Mother's day. So I thought you guys could put together a mini concert for your moms on Friday. Each of you can sing your own song or partner up if you'd like. So what do you guys think sound cool?" Mr. Schue finished looking around at everyone to see what they thought. Everybody seemed to be on board and had started to talk amongst themselves discussing song ideas, the only person who didn't show any enthusiasm for the idea was Rachel, which was out of character for the petite diva that jumped at any opportunity to perform.

(Rachel's Pov)

A mother's day concert, why are we doing a mother's day concert? We should be preparing for nationals. Before it got too rowdy Mr. Schue calmed everyone down and started to talk about what order everyone wanted to go in and what else we could do that day for our mothers.

"Alright so we have Artie going first followed by Tina then Mercedes who wants to go next?" Mr. Schue questioned.

"Mr. Schue? Is this…" I started to say before he interrupted me

"Ah yes ok Rachel you can go after Mercedes."

"Actually that wasn't what I was going to ask. I wanted to know if this is all we will be doing today in glee?"

"Yes Rachel this whole week we'll be focusing on our Mother's day songs."

As soon as he said that I got my stuff together and started to make my way out of the room. I wasn't going to waste my week on an assignment that was pointless for me to do.

"Rachel wait! Where are you going glee isn't over yet." Mr. Schue called to me as I had my hand on the door.

"I'm not going to do this assignment I think it's stupid to be working on this when we should be discussing our set list for nationals! I see no point in staying here it's a waste of my time so I wont be in glee for the rest of the week." I explained before proceeding to run out of the classroom.

(No ones Pov)

"Well that was definitely not the Rachel we know. What's her deal? She jumps at any opportunity to be in the spotlight." Artie said shortly after Rachel left. The other gleeks were trying to come with a reason as well to why Rachel would deny an opportunity to preform. Surprisingly it was Santana who put the pieces together.

"Well damn isn't obvious" Santana exclaimed to a bunch of confused looking faces " seriously none of y'all have a clue? Have you ever heard Rachel talk about her mother?" That's when it clicked for everyone else. How did they not remember that Rachel didn't really have a relationship with her mom.

"But Kurt's singing for his mom and she's dead." Finn said to the group.

"I don't think it's the same though Finn, I had a relationship with my mom I may have only known her for eight years but I knew who she was and what she was like and that she loved me. Rachel on the other hand didn't meet her mom until she was 15 and then she ends up not only leaving but also adopting a new baby girl and then she comes back a year and a half later out of the blue with out so much as warning to Rachel. If I was her I wouldn't be too happy about this assignment either." Kurt explained to the group.

"Should we comfort her or something?" Mike asked the group.

"Naw when it comes to Rach and her mom she usually likes to be left alone." Puck said answering Mike's question. The whole club turned to look Puck with questioning looks wondering how Puck would know something like that about Rachel. "What just cause my Jew babe and I don't hang with each other during school automatically means I know nothing about her? So sue me we've gone too the same Temple since we were five and we're actually friends outside of this dump." Everyone accepted Puck's answer and silently agreed with Puck to give Rachel some space this week. Kurt on the other hand felt that Rachel still needed to talk to someone about her feeling on the whole mom situation and he was going to all he could to help so he decided he'd talk to her Thursday after school.

(Rachel's Pov)

This week had been really weird everyone from glee seemed to be walking on eggshells around me. I didn't really dwell on it though since I had some more free time (due to not attending glee for the week) I had been keeping my self busy with coming up different song ideas for nationals and working on some dance moves for a recital I had coming up at the end of June and by the time I finished my homework I was exhausted but no matter what I couldn't fall straight asleep not without hearing her voice sing me to sleep. It angered me that I couldn't sleep without hearing someone's voice I hadn't even known till two years ago. Most of the time I would end up crying myself to sleep weather they were tears of anger for her leaving or tears of desperateness to know what I could've done to make her stay, I didn't know. It was now Thursday and I was about to start my walk home when Kurt came up from behind me and started to drag me to his car.

"Come on Diva we're going shopping!"

"What? Kurt no I have to get home I have a ton of homework I need to get done."

"Liar I'm in over half your classes Rachel and one the teachers are hardly assigning any homework cause one we're seniors and two I know you get your homework done a week in advance. But fine if you don't want to got to the mall then we'll hang at your house and have a musical marathon!"

"But my dads…"

"Are away on business till next Thursday and as your best friend I simply can not allow you to be alone in that big empty house of yours!"

"Fine lets go." I told him only because I knew he wouldn't stop bugging till I gave in. Thirty minutes later we were at my house getting settled on the couch to watch Grease. About half way into the movie Kurt turned to look at me and said "So how are you Rachel?"

"ummm good? Why do you know something I don't?"

"no I just wanted to know how you've been you seemed really upset with this weeks glee assignment and…"

"I don't want to talk about it." I cut him off before he could continue I didn't want to talk about my mother I had already wasted enough of my week thinking about her I was done wasting my tears on someone who didn't care.

"Rachel it's not good to bottle up your feelings come on just talk to me I'm a great listener. I lost my mom when I was eight I know it's not the same but …"

"your right it's not the same! Your mom loved you and I'm sorry that she had to leave you when you were so young. But my mother I don't think she can even stand the sight of me!" I proclaimed with tears threating to spill over.

"Oh Rachel you know that's not true. I'm sure Shelby loves you she just…"

"Prove it! Prove she loves me cause I've never heard those words leave her lips! Can you just drop it now? Thank you for trying to make me feel better Kurt but I just want to be alone now."

"Alright Rachel I'm sorry didn't mean to make you upset but I would really love it if you could come to the auditorium tomorrow …"

"I'm not singing a song for her Kurt."

"don't come for her then. I could use your support please?"

"Fine I'll come but I'm only going to watch."

"that's ok. But you know the song doesn't have to be for her? It can be about how she's made you feel coming in and out of your life? Think about, I'll see you tomorrow ok?"

"Yea I'll think about it bye Kurt." I told him as he walked out the front door.

That night when I went to bed I actually didn't listen to the tape right away. I was considering what Kurt had said about singing about how Shelby had made me feel. Maybe it will help. I thought about it for a little while more and finally came to the decision that I would sing tomorrow. And I knew just the song.

**Friday **(Rachel's Pov)

Today had passed by pretty quickly and before I knew it I was sitting in the auditorium watching my friends preform for their moms who were sitting a couple rows above me. They all sang wonderfully and someone I'm guessing Artie had set up a projector to project pictures of whoever was singing of them with their mom from when they were little. Santana was the last to go I sat in my seat for another five minutes contemplating if I was really going to go through with my song. But I finally walked up on stage and set up my iPod letting the intro of the music play I don't know why but I suddenly felt nervous standing up there I searched the audience for Kurt when I saw him he gave me a thumbs up of reassurance and I knew I had to sing I had to let someone else know how I felt.

_Mama who bore me  
><em>_Mama who gave me  
><em>_No way to handle things  
><em>_Who made me so sad_

_Mama, the weeping  
><em>_Mama, the angels  
><em>_No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem_

_Some pray that one day  
><em>_Christ will come a'-callin'  
><em>_They light a candle  
><em>_And hope that it glows  
><em>_And some just lie there  
><em>_Crying for him to come and find them  
><em>_But when he comes they don't know how to go_

_Mama who bore me  
><em>_Mama who gave me  
><em>_No way to handle things  
><em>_Who made me so bad_

_Mama, the weeping  
>Mama, the angels<br>__No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem_

When I finished the song I looked up to see the whole glee club coming up on stage and enveloping me in a group hug. While I was being hugged to death I looked through the mass of arms to the back of the theater and saw a woman with dark brown hair and in a purple top get out of her seat and walk out the exit. I know that woman. Shelby! What was she doing here though? I had to talk to her the only way to completely get over her was to talk to her and I was going to do just that weather she liked it or not! So I pushed my way out of the hug and sprinted after her. I finally saw her at the end of the hallway about to exit the school, I ran faster but I couldn't catch up with her. I looked around the parking lot to see that her car was still there, where did she go? I turned towards the football field and saw her sitting up in the bleachers. I quickly raced over there when I finally got to where she was sitting I just stared yelling at her.

"Leaving so soon? I'm surprised you stuck around this long. Eight months that must be a new record for you, but wait it wasn't for me was it? It was for Beth and Puck and Quinn! Why are you even here Shelby? Shouldn't you be at home with your precious little daughter."

"Mr. Schue called me and told me you guys were putting on this performance today for your moms…"

"Well did he also tell you that I refused to do the assignment because I don't have a mom! I only sang that song today because I had to let someone else know how you made me feel!"

"Rachel I also came here to apologize for…"

"NO! Why do you get to call all the shots on this relationship? Why did you get to decide it was time for meet you? And what was the point of meeting me if you were just going to leave because I wasn't the baby you gave away all those years ago! Why did you adopt another baby when you already had one to begin with? Why did you leave me? Don't you love me?" I finished quietly with tears streaming down my face. I suddenly felt her arms wrap around me as she started to rock me slowly. I wanted to pull away but I decided not to and just sank further into the embrace. She started to talk while brushing her hand through my hair in a calming gesture.

"Rachel I'm so sorry for everything I did. When you came up to me that day in Carmel I was expecting that little brown eyed baby I gave up but instead I saw a beautiful young woman who was so grown up and I thought to myself she doesn't need a mother anymore and who was I to intrude on your perfect life? But after adopting Beth it made me realize I had to come back I had to set things right with you. And I'm so sorry Rachel that I never gave us our best shot. But I do Love you Rachel so much that it hurts and I've always loved you always will."

I pulled a little away from her so I could see her face, she had tears in her eyes as well. All the anger I felt towards her earlier just went away when I heard say that she loved me but I still had to let her know how much I needed her and always will.

"How could you think that I don't need a mom? I've always needed a mom. When I was five and all the other girls in my class had French braids that their mom did for them while my dads were still trying to do normal braids. When I was 7 and I didn't get to go to the mother daughter spa day with my girl scout troop. When I was 12 and I had my first kiss. When I hit puberty and I was scared out of mind and too embarrassed to talk to my dads. When I went my first date and didn't have anyone there to help me choose what to wear. When Jesse wanted to have sex with me sophomore year and I almost said yes because I thought he would hate me and leave me if I didn't. This year I needed a mom when my friend hated me because we both got the part in the school play, when I did lose my virginity to Finn, when he proposed to me a back in January and then proceeded to break up with me after I told him no. I needed someone to just hold me and let me know everything was going to alright that it would get better. And what about when I get married who's going to be there to help choose a dress? And when I don't get the part in the play who's going to tell me that it's not the end of the world? I still need you in my life I always will."

"oh Rachel I don't know if there's a way to show how sorry I am. But I was so scared to get close to you because you would see that I wasn't the mother you dreamed up."

"Do you know why I want to be on Broadway? Why it's been my dream since I was four?" She shook her head and waited for me to continue."Most people assume it's because my dads put me in so many dance and voice lessons since I was a baby that I was just raised to want to be on the stage. But honestly I wasn't really into preforming until I was four because of something I asked my dads that year. I asked them for the first time about my mom, about you."

"_Daddy? Papa? Do I have a mommy?" a little four year old Rachel asked out of the blue one day over lunch._

"_Of course you do sweetie. Why do you ask?" the one called papa answered._

"_the other kids at pweschool say I'm a weirdo cause I have 2 dads and not a mommy. But if I have a mommy why isn't she here with me?"_

"_Sweetheart first of all you are not a weirdo for having 2 dads ok? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And your mommy isn't here with you because she's singing on Broadway."_

"_Broadway? Like Funny Girl?"_

_"yes like Funny girl."_

_"Do you think if I get super good at my singing I could go to Broadway too and find my mommy?"_

"_You can do anything you want little star." Her daddy told her._

"_Then I'm going to go to Broadway like my mommy and I'm going to find her and bring her back here and show everyone that I have a mommy and that they were wrong and I'm not a weirdo!" Rachel shouted while getting out of her seat and running towards her room only to come back ten minutes later with her ballet tutu and shoes on dancing and singing at the top of her lungs in the living room._

"_Rachel what are you doing?"_

"_Practicing! If I want to be on Broadway with mommy I have to practice!" _

"you see you're the reason I dream of Broadway. I dreamed of finding you. And when I saw you actually became a teacher I just thought that I could do that to if Broadway doesn't work out, if you still had this amazing life even without Broadway then I could too."

"You really thought that much of me?" She questioned.

"Yes. But then you adopted Beth. Do you know how much that hurt to be replaced by the baby of the one girl I always seem to lose to because she's prettier then me. Was I not pretty enough for you? Did you think…"

"Stop. Rachel don't you ever think for a second that you are not beautiful. You're the most beautiful girl I know. I see so much of myself in you. Beth isn't your replacement no one could ever replace you. And I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness and trust."

"I forgive you. But if you want me to trust you prove it. Show me that your not going to me leave again when things get tough. I'll give you one more chance because if you give up on us again…" She cut me off.

"I'll never give up on us again. Throw everything you got at me because I'm here for the long haul. And how about I let you call the shots you decide when you want to meet up with me. Because I'm going to be here for you no matter what from now on ok?"

I looked up at her and smiled and asked her "Dinner? Can we go to dinner tonight? I mean unless you have plans or probably need to get back to Beth. Ummm never mind forget it."

"Rachel." She said stopping me from continuing my rant "dinner sounds perfect, and it'll just be me and you. No Beth, no distractions just us. You tell me where and I'm there."

At that point I just launched my self into her arms and let her hug me.

"I love you Rachel."

"I love you too. Happy mothers day."

**A/N #2: Song is from Spring Awakening the solo version ( the musical is amazing look it up you can find the whole play with the OBC on youtube if you want a link let me know) So what did you think? How I'd do? Please review and let me know! And to anyone reading my other multi chapter Rachel story sorry I haven't updated but I've had the idea for this one in my head for ages! And I had to write it down. I plan on updating Have you seen me? Hopefully by Sunday! And if you haven't read my other story go check it out please. Here's a brief summary of the story:**_** It's been 8 years since Rachel Schuester played in her front yard in Ohio with her best friend Quinn Fabray. Eight years since she's spied on her brother Noah and his girlfriend. Eight years since she's been sung to bed with the tunes of Broadway or Journey by her mom and dad. Eight years ago a little girl named Jennifer was believed to have been kidnapped and killed. Eight years ago Jennifer Matthews moved to California with her dad. Eight years ago Jennifer was convinced she was someone else.**_

_**A/N#3: this is a one shot for now. But i will most likely come back to it and continue. I just need to come up with more ideas for it so if you have any that you think i can include let me know! :)**_


	2. important Authors note!

**Up for Adoption/not continuing **

**Hi everyone! I know i said before that i was going to continue this but i've come to the realization that i don't have any idea where to take this story. and yes i realize there's story lines of how will rachel react to beth and how will rachel's dads feel about this etc. etc. but i just can't find a story line that is unique and different from all the other rachel/shelby stories. and i think it's also the fact that i always saw this in my mind as a one shot (and it was more of me venting how Rachel still needs shelby)and i had started to type out the 2nd chapter but it felt forced. So if any of you think you want to continue this just PM me and we can talk. ok that was it! Thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites! :) Check out my other Shelby/rachel one shot: We'll find a way of forgiving and my shelby/rachel story: Moments**


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